Life after mental health

G

Geoff

New member
As mental health seems flavour of the month thought I would share the following.

Don't think a lot of people that know me are aware that I was sectioned and spent several months locked up in a psychiatric hospital suffering from severe mental health issues. On my release I was helped back to recovery by Tracy and especially Harry at Ducati Glasgow and I will be eternally grateful. After three years I've reached a milestone in that I'm no longer on any medication so can only get better. With the right support and vocational interests it's possible to cope without medication something not fully understood by the professionals that want to keep you medicated for the rest of your life.

Just back from repairing a sport classic 1000. Decided to fully service bike and couldn't believe how easily accessible everything was compared to my monster. After 35 years and now retired through mental health from complex electronic/mechanical design in nuclear physics and thin film coatings working on ducati's is a breath of fresh air. To fully understand 2V and 4V bikes in terms of repair and servicing I've spent the last year researching. I need to fully understand everything I tackle so didn't have the time before to research fully but now I have and it's great.
With my 160,000 mile monster decided to give her a face lift and have now dismantled the complete bike including engine with all parts now blasted and await painting. Parts look brilliant using a glass bead. In order to communicate with the ecu I've been using jpdiag software and acoustic belt tensioner which works great.
Having access to machinery and ability has allowed me to manufacture various tools to dismantle engine and service my ohlin forks. As my bikes are relatively old and based on hourly rates of most bike shops carrying out this work is cost prohibitive and there's no way I could fund it and it's not that difficult with some basic knowledge and a desire to learn.
One area I now need experience is tig welding and have enrolled for a twelve week college course. Can't wait.
I assist my mate FOC in EMC testing and he's given me a large area complete with large shuttered door for my own use with 3 phase power which I'm going to kit out with lathe, Cnc milling and welding station.

Basically back to my real love having great fun working on motorbikes e.g. ducati, Merdiden triumph and carb Harley's without the pressure of incompetent managers.



Geoff
 
Geoff, well done in coming out and telling us and well done in getting through your illness. I had no idea that you had been sectioned but It is great to to hear that you have come through it with such a positive outlook. It also explains the rash of phone calls a few months ago when you started restoring the Monster. As you know I have always been happy to pass on my knowledge.
Best wishes for your continued recovery and ongoing learning processes. I'm sure you will find life much more rewarding without the pressures of work and having the time to work on the bikes you love.
 
Your a hell off a lot stronger than you realise Geoff to put down in words what you have been through take serious courage and someone in very good and strong mental condition :) I learned some time ago about this whilst having a coffee and buttie with yourself and Walter in the wee cafe across from the old DG and seeing you only once or twice until this years masher and the run home well Glasgow anyway :lol2: I've a lot off respect for you.
My kindest regards to gentleman and friend.
 
Well done Geoff! I've had a few 'issues' myself so I can empathize. Working on motorbikes is extremely theraputic, as long as one takes one's time and proceeds methodically, with lots of tea breaks. I always feel a sense of achievement when I've completed a job. Good luck!
 
Hi Geoff.

Thats very brave of you to share such a personal issue so openly so hats off to you for doing so. Had a bit of a scare quite recently with a close family member suffering a bit of a breakdown so I can appreciate how important having people willing to support you close by as well as something in your life to look forward to and focus on. Keep on the up mate and well done!
:thumbs:
 
Great words Geoff and so pleased you are through the meds, that's massive well done to you - I learnt a French phrase a few years ago when tackling a few of my own issues - 'Plus et en vous' rough translation being There is more in you than you think. Keep on keeping on was the other one.
 
umm
there's being a little bit down (me)

depressed and on medication (the wife)

and then there's sectioned - it really is the next level - keep on , on the up Geoff. even with the whole mental health awareness i don't think many will understand the progress you have made (if that's the right word) I'm sure i don't

:)
 
Geoff, I have an auld TIG welder / stick welder in my garage you can "borrow". I'm having a garage clear out and would like to see it going to someone that would appreciate it.
 
<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <o:OfficeDocumentSettings> <o:AllowPNG/> </o:OfficeDocumentSettings> </xml><![endif]--> Thanks for sharing your experience Geoff,



It struck a chord with me as my best friend has been battling with mental health issues for years, she’s tried to take her own life more than once and been sectioned more than once but the fight goes on.
She gets no support, help or understanding from her family or employer and has few friends none of whom know about her struggles. (apart from me because we’ve been friends since childhood)
Talking about your mental health should be as common as talking about your physical health, it can affect any of us at any time but the stigma attached to it only compounds the problem for a lot of people.
Hiding the symptoms, pretending you’re ‘ok’ denying the possibility just means you’re further down the road before you start to get the help you need. You wouldn’t put off going to the doctor for a broken leg so why doesn’t everyone treat mental health the same way?


It’s heart-warming to see the support Geoff has gotten on here, now we just need to get the rest of society to be as caring and supportive as a bunch of bikers!
 
In light of everything that's in the news regarding mental health I thought I would share a snippet of what's out there to help you not! Hopefully some will find it interesting on how I think the siystem is broken and hopefully fixable with renewed government involvement and not just a box ticking exercise.

You are experiencing problems at work mainly with managers incompetent in their job they have been employed for . Eventually trying to accommodate their needs you start to suffer from depression, anxiety, delusions and psychosis. Because you're suffering a mental health issue in the early stages with no physical issues family, friends and work colleagues advise you that a good kick up the arse and you'll be fine. Unfortunatley you believe them and persevere as good mental health is just another day away. Before you know it creeps up on you and there appears no way back. Some colleagues notice the change as you've lost some three stone in weight and look very unwell and more importantly you've stopped commuting on your bike. My bike had developed a problem and was erratic and with impending icy roads and snow found it unrideable and dangerous. Started using public transport. You approach GP and if fortunate enough they recognise mental health problems and passes you a questionnaire on how you feel. Basically several questions each graded one to five. If they total 20 it means concern and your now issued with medication. They assure you that there's an imbalance of fluid in the brain and medication will balance this out. You can't access mental health professionals without a referral through GP so hopefully you can survive until next several visits whilst they increase the medication. At work you eventually approach HR and occupational health. Basically they don't know how to deal with you and decide to increase your work load. You object and before you know it summoned to a meeting advising you that you can have a friend, solicitor or union rep attend meeting. Roll on several days and at 4.30am in the morning of the meeting your wife leaves house screaming in fear of her life. Startled neighbours awake and phone the police. Police arrive, short interview and then take you to A and E for observation of mental health. After some two hours of interview by acute mental health team they escort you to psychiatric hospital for three day evaluation. During interview you phone employer explaining you can't make meeting as locked up by now. My delusions had reached a level that I was convinced that the hospital I'd been admitted to had closed several years ago and was a scam set up by my employer to make my life more miserable. To further enhance my delusions a number of staff members had badged clothing from my employer. Your then taken to a small room with a floor covered in fag burns and a window hanging out and looks like a cell. In the morning you notice a large number of fag ends blown in from the communal area. My brain tells me they banned smoking in hospitals years ago. Whilst sitting in my room I small scotty dog is escorted into a room. My room had been emptied for a deep clean awaiting a three day infectious control visit so I question having a dog in the area. I approach a psychiatric doctor and raise a question. I'm informed if he answers another then that's two and he walks away. During three day evaluation you try to escape and on the second day at around 9am mental health person passes an envelope for you to sign. Without discussion and without your assigned carer you're now on 28 day section with constant supervision. On the second day you hear screaming and crying and a large number of nurses come running down the ward saying " the bitch kicked me and spat on etc". No discussion on what's happened and I think they've killed her. My delusions were getting worse and I convinced myself that in fact they're killing patients and then eating them and decide not to eat any cooked food and stick to sandwiches. Bizarrely during my weekly assessment they were more concerned I wasn't eating properly. A number of the patients were lost to the world and wandered around the corridors with some receiving electrical shock treatment. Some four weeks later after admission three male nurses enter my room and advise me to disregard any screaming or crying coming from a woman in the adjoining room. Several minutes listening to screaming and avoiding my nursing shadow I enter the room to find a patient pinned to her bed by three male nurses and then I'm forceably escorted back to my room. You can imagine what I thought and yet again no discussion of what's just happened. During the first eight weeks I believed all media was targeting me and wouldn't enter the tv room or read magazines and had no interaction verbally with other patients. In fear of my wife's life and constantly being asked why I had stopped using my bike I convince myself I must have killled a child in a hit and run and hid the fact. On every visit I try to leave with my wife thinking she would get attacked and frog marched back to my room.

It was only after coming back to reality and visiting the tv room speaking to other patients all the screaming made sense. Turned out these patients were on a section or compulsory treatment order and had refused medication. This means they are forceably pinned to bed and injected. This happens to them every four weeks so they weren't killing them. Was a mixed bag of people and out of the twenty patients I was the only one that worked. Some had bipolar disorder, others thought small insects coming out their skin and all had tried taking there own life. One woman had hung herself in front of her child and deemed fit to return home after three days. On the other hand some patients believed in Satan and had spent three years there. Some had murdered and awaiting assessment on way to Carstairs. Basically a mixed bag and although I think things have moved on you can't stop thinking of the film "one flew over the cuckoo nest " In the end I'm informed that smoking on the whole is still allowed in mental institutions and the dog helps with therapy for some patients. In fact some hospitals have a resident dog.

Initially for around one week you discuss your feelings etc and are constantly encouraged to seek legal representation. Most of the time your held in your room with constant supervision and medication varied to help your condition with help to sleep. During the night on the hour every hour your light goes on , shutter open and a nurse peers in to check you still alive and haven't harmed youself. During your 28 day section you and your carer receive legal documents constantly. With one week to expire the mental health team still deem you mentally unfit and apply for a further 28 days and again encourage you to get solicitor. A list is supplied of suitable solicitors that can legally represent someone suffering mental health. Eventually and without discussion you randomly phone a solicitor and within 15 minutes a representative is there. A form is presented to you and they request details of savings and many other personnel things. As your sectioned under the mental health act you pay nothing towards your legal costs. The representative fills in the rest of the form and asks you to sign. You object without reading it and then you find that the government pick up the tab £90 for initial consultation. Further into the document they've ticked two boxes that indicate that the client was unable to speak and communicated with hand signals. I refuse to sign it and informed no problem she can sign on my behalf. Shocked I phone my carer Veronica and she is very unhappy and phones solicitor. I receive a call from solicitor in hospital telling me to man up and not let my wife rule my life. Still very unwell and don't want to fight impending extension of 28 days and the proposed Six month compulsory treatment I decline his services and get all sorts of dogs abuse over the phone and demands to meet me which I decline. In the afternoon he turned up in my room and grilled me again. Unbelievable but who's going to believe me. Anyway for the remainder they provide you with medication and left to fester in your room with a cardex on a Friday with psychiatric doctor and six other health professionals accompanied by my carer. They discuss your medication and read reports from nurses and decide your still very unwell. After two months and still very unwell basically still psychotic the professionals decide for no logical reason that your fit to return home on supervised visits. The week before it and during one of my wife visits suffering from psychosis I feel I would never leave and offer my wife the choice of suffocation or i break her neck thinking it was the easy way out for her - not surprisingly she ran screaming from the room and I was pinned down by nurses. After this and still suffering from crazy delusions and on home visit I encourage my wife to go for food and calmly slit my wrists whilst in the bath. Fortunately for me my wife returned early and phoned the ambulance accompanied with riot police. Obsolutley crazy but I had reasoned it out and all the illogical things in my head made sense. In the end this was the turning point for me and a big wake up call as I started to turn myself around. The professionals try to treat you with medication but sitting discussing issues makes a massive difference which they don't do. In the end they issued the compulsive treatment order which I didn't fight but you're still escorted by two nurses to a meeting chaired by health lawyers, your psychiatric consultant, independent doctor, your GP, your legal representative and a lay person. Guess what ? They had received a letter from the solicitor highlighting I wasn't contesting the six month treatment.

Before being discharged for home treatment your told to contact DVLA and your licence revoked for six months after which it's only issued for a further two years pending reassessment. Once discharged a special team visit you intensely for two weeks which is basically one visit. You're then assigned a community psychiatric nurse until they deem you fit and during that period referred to units for help which is basically geared for someone seeking employment and needs help with a CV and interview techniques. They also like to encourage cognitive behavioural therapy in which your presented with homework with all sorts of questions. I ask "can't we just talk" but then encouraged to speak to a psychologist which will present me with more homework.
On a very short phased return to work I'm approached to get involved with very complex electronic designs which I refuse. The response " will come back when you feel better ". At that i approach occupational health and within about 30 seconds I'm encouraged to seek ill health retirement on grounds of mental health. Basically incapable of understanding my mental health needs as not physical. Within two weeks done and dusted. Ironically as a hobby I'm assisting one of the research groups in design and electronic manufacturing but as yet not covered by health and safety as some individuals don't think it appropriate that they allow an ex member of staff covering 35 years experience that suffered mental health be allowed in the building. I'm now embracing retirement and loving it but I won't let my previous employer discriminate against me purely for reasons of past mental health.
All the professionals indicated that I would forgot everything but I remember it like it was yesterday and in detail. I think that's what they hope.

Ironically I wish my younger sister wasn't fobbed of by the health professionals suffering from mental health. In May of this year she took herself to the Queen Elizabeth Hospital, calmly walked to the top of the multi storey car park as seen on CCTV, sat for a while and then calmly jumped to the concrete car park below. She did not survive.
Thing is she told the GP, family, apart from me that this was her intention. The night before she passes all her bank accounts and four digit numbers to her family - leaves everything and gets taxi to hospital. Immediately family and others say she was very selfish and was coward way out. An embarrassed family place a gagging order on everyone as don't won't anybody to know she took her own life. It was portrayed to me that she had went to hospital and collapsed in the car park. Several days later I find out the full truth. At the funeral she died of a massive heart attack and with a family history of heart attacks everyone encouraging you to have a check up soon. Where's the embarrassment or do people feel guilty for not trying to help as not physical impairment. As a person that's been there it's far from it and you have an answer for everything and anything and regarding cowardice - won't comment.

The government is throwing a lot of money at mental health, recruiting more trained professionals to deal with the problem but many will be rubbing their hands on what they can financially milk from the system. My previous employer now employs several mental health individuals and hope to achieve a gold award and ironically have a very large mental health department offering every course under the sun but incapable of dealing with one employee. I still see a psychiatrist and allocated at most 10 minutes. On one occasion she was unavailable and a colleague spoke to me for 50 minutes - it was the best amount of treatment I got.

Glad I got this of my chest.
In the end I'm fortunate I have a very caring wife that did not give up on me unlike my employers.

Hope anyone reading this suffering from mental health seeks help at an early stage and ignores the diy professionals like friends and employers and hopefully avoids the impending nightmare that can follow.
 
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Thanks for that post Geoff - it must have been very difficult for you to write, but the more we all talk about it, the more chance of the system getting better.

I was very sorry to read about your sister, but glad to read in your original post that you are off your medication and getting enjoyment out of your bikes.

Just spotted this today:

https://www.theguardian.com/society...-mental-health-problems-forcing-thousands-out

300,000 people a year are losing their job, and the number is getting bigger and not smaller as time goes on. They've spent years and billions on physical safety measures but seem to have forgotten the other aspects of human health.
 
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Geoff I'm going to add to this if you don't mind........
I was in a "dream" job, or so I thought.
Another new manager is appointed (my 7th manager in 9 years) and after a while my integrity is questioned my ethics come in to question and resulted in me being "off sick" for a while in 2015.

Within months of returning to work I was involved in a set up by this manager and instructed to attend head office for a disciplinary.
Airport transfer, a flight and a hire car later I arrive at head office. All kinda stressed out but prepared for battle.

There were at least 10 jumped up charges, cut to the chase, after 3 hours 2 time outs and a lot of deliberation the hearing was suspended until the following morning.
More debates and I was finally convicted of..... wait for it....... Not Phoning In From Site !
All other charges were dropped due to insufficient evidence and the hangman was told to be on his way !

3 months later I walk out and throw 10 years of hard work and commitment down the dra......wait a minute, best thing I ever did !

Most of the closest friends on here know last year I went self employed, at the age of 49 I may add !

I'm happier, I have more flexibility with me and can plan my own life now instead of being away from home in hotels.
I'm not wealthy, far from it but having time is something you cannot buy.
Time with family, friends, pals, yourself, your wee dug, who cares, you're here.
There's always a warm cuppa available if you're ever down this way, you're more than welcome.

#walkingwednesday
#gaztecservices
 
Brian, as you say sometimes it turns out fine. Not rich either but financially stable. Outside of bikes (expensive when dealer services and in my case gets it wrong) I don't have big outlays. It helped that Walter stopped working through ill health and i opened his eyes to long distance runs. Think on many occasions he was in excruciating pain but always had a smile. The day before his death we met you at Hillington roundabout returning from my Triumph mot. Understanding friends help a lot. On his visits to hospital he always brought me Costa coffee and tiffen cake. To the annoyance of staff, and they approached me a lot, he would enter and sit with the other patients in the tv room and talk to them. He tended to ignore signs that said "no entering of tv room and talking to patients". On some occasions think he was looking for a bed. Made my day.


Although finished medication it's mainly my wish that I retain the psychiatric consultant. I still need a supporting letter for licence
renewal next year and a supportive letter for my previous employer if I'm granted visiting scientist recognition for a research group I'm supporting. Thing is I still get a buzz from designing electronic and mechanical things for such a diverse subject as physics that I've enjoyed over 35 years with the same employer. Shame certain managers wanted the same support with more and more sitting in meetings discussing in my opinion crap just to justify their existence.

I also found that once referred to a psychiatric consultant GP's distance themselves as don't want to get in the way of the expert. Once released from hospital you'll find that psychiatrists can't issue medication they can only supply you with a letter passed to GP. If verbally discussed, your psychiatric consultant advises you change medication and simply contact the GP they don't want to know.

Have a long list of things today :
Design and manufacture davy number plate holder for cafe racer, rebuild triumph gearbox, continue with monster rebuild, replace fuel sensor on 1098 (ran out of petrol on motorway yesterday - Davy to the rescue), repair vacuum leak in coating machine with new ferro fluid feedthroughs, complete design of analogue front end for Silicon photomultiplier (SiPM), complete design of 32 channel readout box for SiPM, wire garage just built for mate. Or with good weather go for bike ride to Oban ? Having great fun.

Like Brian and because I withdrew into my office and bent over less for certain new managers they started questioning my work ethic because I was non responsive at their meetings to discuss complete nonsense. These meetings could last for hours and resolve nothing and then make a date for another meeting. Towards the end health and safety was taking over my life with weekly tours, monthly meetings and new appointments of highly paid individuals from office enviromnents telling me to remove eg air lines from lathes and milling machines. They carry out audits on risk assessment, coshh, dsear. In addition, working with radiactive sources satisfy HPA, SEPA and Police (special branch anti terrorism) in case someone makes a dirty bomb. This requires door reinforcement, alarms installed and a fortress like structure for certain sources. Thing is non of these demanding managers carry out any of the work themselves and of course they have no money to pay outside contractors. Don't know if you'll be surprised but you talking people earning around £70k and chaired in some case with someone earning £150k that spends their life telling their secretary to arrange another meeting. If staff seem unhappy let's carry out another space monkey survey. Feedback poor so let's employ a specialist to turn it around. This person will then inundate you with forms to fill in. As they're in a management position need to pay well to attract the right individual. Later on higher management decide to restructure and give managers new roles with all important new titles and of course increase in salary for this demanding role.

Just learned recently the guy at the top is demanding a house on top of his 250k salary. Why ? Because he entertains at home and needs the right surroundings. I mean what can you buy for a mere £250k salary these days ?

Another load of my chest.
 
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I withdrew into my office and bent over less for certain new managers they started questioning my work ethic because I was non responsive at their meetings to discuss complete nonsense. These meetings could last for hours and resolve nothing and then make a date for another meeting.
Click to expand...

The sad thing is, many of people involved in the meetings probably don't recognise they are achieving nothing, except burning through money and time. On a lighter note, I saw a variation of this poster pinned up on an office wall in my first job and it's as true now as it was then...

B5N6qdJCQAEneO1.png
 
I used to enjoy meetings. I would sit facing a window, zone out and slowly work through all the things I needed to do to my wee Moto Guzzi, starting from the front wheel....
I would always 'refocus' when I heard " So you'll take care of that then....."!:lol2:
 
Neil your the very man i need, start a new career next week & they are threatening weekly meetings, so a crash course on zone out & window facing would be great..:thumbs:
 
"We better take a break, Brian's fell asleep again"
Fast forward 2 days and the tutor now says "well done, top of the class. For someone that has slept most of the way through this course I'm amazed. Congratulations, here's your certificate "Passed With Honours" oops ;):D
 
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