If Laziness was a sport, I'd come 4th - just so I didn't have to walk to the podium
In here Ron...Jokes and other one liners...
- Thread starter AirCon
- Start date
A Group of guys, all turning 40, discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at Wetherspoons in Brighouse because the waitresses had big breasts and wore mini-skirts.
Ten years later, at age 50, the friends once again discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at Wetherspoons in Brighouse because the waitresses were attractive. The food and service was good and the beer selection was excellent.
Ten years later, at age 60, the friends again discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at Wetherspoons in Brighouse because there was plenty of parking, they could dine in peace and quiet with no loud music, and it was good value for money.
Ten years later, at age 70, the friends discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at Wetherspoons in Brighouse because the restaurant was wheelchair accessible and had a toilet for the disabled.
Ten years later, at age 80, the friends discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at Wetherspoons in Brighouse because they had never been there before.
Ten years later, at age 50, the friends once again discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at Wetherspoons in Brighouse because the waitresses were attractive. The food and service was good and the beer selection was excellent.
Ten years later, at age 60, the friends again discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at Wetherspoons in Brighouse because there was plenty of parking, they could dine in peace and quiet with no loud music, and it was good value for money.
Ten years later, at age 70, the friends discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at Wetherspoons in Brighouse because the restaurant was wheelchair accessible and had a toilet for the disabled.
Ten years later, at age 80, the friends discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at Wetherspoons in Brighouse because they had never been there before.
Which leads me on to:
Many years ago we had dog. I called him Kipper because he slept a lot and stank the house out (not really but Mum in law suggested "King" or "Prince" and I wasn't having that) he was a shortstock border collie type and a most determined crotch sniffer.
Out shopping I had to keep him on a short lead or he'd be right up any stationary backside. One day, in the local bank I was stood back off the person at the counter in front. I held the lead short and wagged a finger at him saying "sit". He looked up with that guilty looking, out of the top corner of his eyes and toungue hanging half out etc. Anyway the customer in front was being dealt with when a woman in a pink trouser suit walked into the bank and stood in front of me as If I wasn't there. Pah! I let the lead go slack and looked away. That dog rammed his nose between the tight trousers buttocks with enough force to lift her off her feet and wow did she scream. I had no choice but to shout at her to "get away from my dog", "why are you pushing in".
" I am standing in the queue and you have frightened my dog". Everyone looked around and she decided to leave while I knelt down by Kipper and gave him a hug "good boy". I know Kipper had a wet nose but her trousers were quite a lot damper than could be attributed to him.
Many years ago we had dog. I called him Kipper because he slept a lot and stank the house out (not really but Mum in law suggested "King" or "Prince" and I wasn't having that) he was a shortstock border collie type and a most determined crotch sniffer.
Out shopping I had to keep him on a short lead or he'd be right up any stationary backside. One day, in the local bank I was stood back off the person at the counter in front. I held the lead short and wagged a finger at him saying "sit". He looked up with that guilty looking, out of the top corner of his eyes and toungue hanging half out etc. Anyway the customer in front was being dealt with when a woman in a pink trouser suit walked into the bank and stood in front of me as If I wasn't there. Pah! I let the lead go slack and looked away. That dog rammed his nose between the tight trousers buttocks with enough force to lift her off her feet and wow did she scream. I had no choice but to shout at her to "get away from my dog", "why are you pushing in".
" I am standing in the queue and you have frightened my dog". Everyone looked around and she decided to leave while I knelt down by Kipper and gave him a hug "good boy". I know Kipper had a wet nose but her trousers were quite a lot damper than could be attributed to him.
......oh yeah ....
I thought it was in NorwichAI image, it will get better when it learns how many fingers Humans have, at the moment it's the equivalent of a HVAC trained
Jock was wearing his kilt in Edinburgh when an American lady asked him the usual question.
He told her to put her hand under and find out for herself.
"Man that's gruesome"
" Do it again lady, it's just grew some more"
He told her to put her hand under and find out for herself.
"Man that's gruesome"
" Do it again lady, it's just grew some more"
That one is older than JAT.
Demon Everard's most notable qualification
Where is he?
I do hope he's not waiting for the police to come and find him.
Paddy goes to the watchmaker and says, “I hear that you can make a timepiece out of anything these days”.
“We certainly can,“ replies the watchmaker, “what did you have in mind?“
Paddy pulls a potato out of his pocket and says, “Can you turn this into a clock?“ “I certainly can,“ replies the watchmaker, “but why do you want such a thing?“
“Well,“ says Paddy, “I was having problems sleeping, so I went to my doctor and he said the best thing to do is to make sure that you get up at the same time every morning, including Saturdays and Sundays. I asked him what he recommended and he replied, “My recommendation is that you get a potato clock
“We certainly can,“ replies the watchmaker, “what did you have in mind?“
Paddy pulls a potato out of his pocket and says, “Can you turn this into a clock?“ “I certainly can,“ replies the watchmaker, “but why do you want such a thing?“
“Well,“ says Paddy, “I was having problems sleeping, so I went to my doctor and he said the best thing to do is to make sure that you get up at the same time every morning, including Saturdays and Sundays. I asked him what he recommended and he replied, “My recommendation is that you get a potato clock